Setting Sunday #5 November 12th 2023

Instructions for living a life

How’s your week been?

Hair Today…Gone Last Saturday

I went up to Central London last Saturday to get my haircut after several months of wondering what to do with it. Last Friday I had a meeting with my dad and one of the lovely outpatient nurses at the local hospice. It was a long and very useful meeting, lots of questions were answered, worries put to rest and potential scenarios explained.

All from a very experienced and kind nurse, who had time for any questions we had and was so kind to my dad and also to me. It was a great relief but also very upsetting, making where we are now very real indeed.

Barnet

I don’t know about you but at emotional times, or times of great change I tend to get my hair cut (short). So I booked my appointment at Hair by Fairy, where I had never been before but walked past often on my travels through Neal’s Yard over the years. And so last Saturday off I went for a much needed afternoon to myself in London.

The hairdresser asked me what I did and when I told her I was a poet amongst other things she was very excited, as she is Persian and very proud of the many and great Persian poets. I had the most lovely (and therapeutic!) experience of having my hair expertly cut and being quoted Persian poetry all the way through.

I will definitely be going back, and have promised her a copy of Amniotic City. Then it was off to visit a couple of bookshops in Bloomsbury. In my very favourite bookshop, I had a good chat with the proprietor, who asked me what I had been up to and so I told her about being a carer. And she immediately said: “I always say – who cares for the carers?” She had cared for a family member too. It was a re-affirming moment where I felt heard and seen, in a week where I had, to be honest, been feeling quite isolated and disconnected from the world.

As I’ve said before looking after two seriously ill family members has been a lesson in patience and the necessity for self-care. Quite often people don’t know what to say and have even stopped being in contact since I’ve been on this journey. I’m lucky because I’ve got some amazing old friends who are supportive and check in on me. But mostly it’s about trying to find that balance in the midst of being busy and trying to do the right thing at the right time.

Writing as Self-Care

Journaling has become more important than ever. It’s a great way of dumping worries and difficult feelings and then working through them in writing. I also keep a ‘positive data log’ of things that have happened that have cheered me up (eg. Poetry quoting hairdresser and lovely bookshop owner conversation) which sort of dovetails in with my practice of being grateful.

Every day I write a combination of good stuff that happened, things I’m grateful for (today’s is a delicious breakfast of toasted oats, poached pears and vegan coconut yoghurt, plus my son making me a good cup of coffee amongst other things) and ‘Wins’. ‘Wins’ can be anything from ticking off an annoying task on my To Do list to going for a run, getting some writing done, achieving the daily intention I’ve set etc. These practices have all combined to be a powerful form of self-care, and my journal goes everywhere with me.

Big wheel keeps on turning...lights on the Thames at Jubilee Bridge

I had a grand afternoon in London, I sat in a café and did some writing, walked down Carnaby Street and headed into Liberty to the perfume section to try out all the expensive perfumes, and then headed home for a quiet rest of the weekend.

Unfortunately I must have picked up a bug on my day out as I started to feel very poorly on Monday, and dragged myself through the rest of the week. I got to Thursday evening and went to bed and stayed there, and I’ve been there pretty much all weekend.

I’ve been poorly on and off since September and this is the worst bout. Despite early nights and sensible eating, and lost of vitamins I can’t seem to avoid picking up these bugs. Luckily neither my son nor my dad have caught it. We do have a HEPA air filter thank goodness, and I have kept my distance! As much rest as possible over the next week and hopefully I will be on the road to recovery before long.

What do you think about journaling, positive data logs, keeping a gratitude log and noting down wins? Do let me know in the comments if you’ve done this and if it has helped. I would love to hear from you.

Autumn Equinox

In other news I am very pleased to be part of this online display (see above), curated by Kel Portman, of art made to mark this year’s Autumn Equinox. My own creative practice has been very limited this year due to caring / parenting responsibilities, and so it was rewarding to be able to take part in this project. I met Kel via another show he curated at Museum in the Park, in Stroud in 2014, a beautiful gallery space, where I was lucky enough to exhibit a piece of work-in-progress for my 2015 poetry map, Over the Fields. This was part of a show called The Art of Walking, an exhibition to celebrate Laurie Lee’s centenary.

Flier, wip on display (far rhs) at Museum in the Park, Stroud, 2014 Over The Fields poetry map

I walked down the path of my back garden at sunrise on the equinox, it was a beautiful morning. Looking with intention always reveals things which are otherwise unseen or unexpected. I snapped away, selected two photos and wrote a tiny piece of poetry, and it felt very satisfying. It is good to mark these moments as the year turns, and for me to mark this precious domestic/ wild haven of a garden.

It brought to mind the famous poem by Mary Oliver:

Instructions for

living a life:

Pay attention.

Be astonished.

Tell about it.

Sunrise sundial, Autumn Equinox, 2023

Writing Prompt

What can you pay attention to the next time you leave the house? What do you notice that you didn’t before? Write about it.

My intention this week is to simply pay attention to getting well.

What is your intention for this week? Let me know in the comments.

Have a great week!

Lucy xx